Well, easy come easy go was soon-to-be out going Mayer Aplicanowsky’s reflective comment upon being informed he had lost his reelection bid. He heard the news while enjoying sustenance prepared for him by a hot blonde, oddly enough a woman who would talk to him dispite his premature balding and being a lowly blogger.

She had taken notice during the Most eligible bachelor contest set up by the acting Jimmy Carter of the MOB. Now the 2 enjoy dogs, weekends at the lake, and bashing RINOs. A match made in heaven, or birthed in the bowls of the tongue of fire.

Mayer Aplicanowski was “remoarseful” to be thrown out with the bath water by MOB ballot stuffers and Economic majors at SCSU. “Obviously their were higher powers at work here. You can’t compete with a man whose liver has been on strike for 2 years with a campaign manager who has been on a local TV news expose, a metrosexual who has the standards of Bill Clinton, or a vegitarian who holds the futures of poor (and incredibly bored and annoyed) economics students in his hands,” he said.

Obviously, his opposition to public funds for porn labs at Minnesota’s Universities backfired, as it was those same computers that led to his eventual dethroning. “You know, the skulls of mush are told by their professor, the one time they see him a semester, that if they don’t vote for him, they fail econ 101. I’d have voted against me too. Especially if I had paid thousands for my education.” he said about the top vote getter the evil Dr. King Bananananananaman.

“No, he’s a nice guy, poor taste in friends and freakishly obese for a vegetarian, but a fine fella. Of course, having met his wife, it is obviously the guy has the ability to control people’s thoughts and behaviors with malicious intent. He definitely beat her down, not married up. Did you know she mows the lawn and shovels the sidewalk?” The insults continued from there.

Referring to the other run off candidate, Mayor Aplicanowski said, “I think he was a fine chap. His male genetic donor is a very smart man and seems nice enough.” He’d conversed with Atomizer’s father a time or two at keegans on Trivia night, something Banananananananananaman has done but a rare once or twice.

“Truth be told, I don’t think I have ever talked to Anamizer before. I have seen him praying to the porcelan gOD at Keegans just about every time I go, but never had the desire to deal with the barf breathe in order to converse with him. Plus, it turns out he is screwing the taxpayers of Hennepin County on some big publicly financed toy for billionaires, so chances are I’d have punched him in the gut, which would have just lead to more vomiting.”

It turns out, MOB voters are uninformed about the choice. The Mayor went on, “Yeah the guy is some lawyer or something I think. Who knows, those Fraters are a dime a dozen, and often so drunk they appear to be piles of skin.” Clearly, Mayor Aplicanowski sat on a lot of dirt this election.

“Yeah last time it was easy. I was up against some closet homosexual named Ken and a maniac who loved Castro. It was simple. I had photographic proof, and I was able to woo the voters away from them.” He was referring to a covershot of Ken Eeker on Gay Monkey Magazine, and how Tim Swhiffte was a beer smuggler for Castro and Heugo Chavaz.

“Had I known that a monkey, a metrosexual, a public employee union member, and a lwayer were in the race, I’d have probably just taken the pension and gone home.” When asked whether he had any regrets, “Only that I missed one of my dogs’ hurdle of a moving car in a life saving move and the other one won the Canadian American Idol while on the trail.”

He was talking about how his dog Lugnut was racing to save the Lindberg Great great grandbaby from the Sherrard’s Resort bonfire of 2007 when a sedan with a wheelchair case on the roof got in the way, and the dog lept over the entire 5 foot tall obstruction but it was too late. His other dog was the first canine to ever win the Canadian version of the small screen hit, American Idol, or any other singing reality singing competition to date.

“Well, they are talented dogs, and their dad will be home full time real soon.” He said as tears pooled up. ” Its real tough to know the last year’s sacrifice by these 2 dogs was all for nothing.” The Mayor became visibly moved, and was hard to understand at that point. “I’m just so tired of having to leave these 2 great digs late Sunday night to fly to the MOB hall knowing that I won’t see them again until late Friday if not Saturday morning.”

He asked for a short break to fill up his empty cocktail glass at that point. I said this would be a perfect place to give the readers a break.

(Stay tuned for more of the heartwrenching Venterview with out going MOB mayor Andee Aplicanowski.)

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 am and is filed under Miscalany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.