Residual Forces

Some of you may enjoy this. Others will flip out and call me names.

World History - As it Really Happened

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all history were the invention of beer and
the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so while our early human were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, home interior designers, dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
actually work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for
nothing.